are you watching the shopping channel? Pastel sofas. Ex-local TV anchorwomen speaking sotto
voce. Cubiod zirconium jewellery…DANGER!
buy!
sell!
go back to bed!
are
you desperately unhappy in your private life?
are
you staring at a set of fat exquisitely manicured fingers angling an 8-carat Celtic
Toe Ring towards the camera?
is
someone you last saw supplying feeble one-liners to Esther Rantzen on "That's
Life" attempting to sell you a cheap-shit Easter break for two in Thassos?
and
now, is a stainless steel bracelet watch being described as something that is
made of
steel, and isn't going to stain?
hold
on - are you beginning to consider £1200 pounds for a Leather Massaging
Inversion Table With Herb Oil Dispenser a bargain? An essential? A steal if spread
over three crippling payments?
and
has someone just described a portable television which you can switch on, off
and have on standby as having three "modes" ?
is
the presenter's ability to think on their feet so limited that they have to slow
right down at the end of their sentences and continually add the phrase: "which,
of course, is very important"?
have
you just wasted 15 life-sapping minutes watching someone point out the
remarkable features of a pack of 10 blank videocassettes, brought to us by
Memorex??
have
you got the day off work?
are
you now shitting yourself at home alone because, without the essential "peace
of mind purchase" of a suite of expensive home security devices, your house
is now naked and unprotected on the "frontline against crime"?
Oh
shit! Have you just ordered a diamante ankle bracelet, two Zip-Through Polar Fleece
Jackets, a Mortice Attachment Plus 3/8" Chisel And Bit Set, Bonjour! - the
multi-lingual voice-recognition software, the Presto DualDaddy Deep Fryer, and
a Double Curb Senorita Pendant Chain?
after
parting with your cash, are you not actually feeling any better?
