 Do
you have perfect teeth and a hairline that would look low on a Barbary ape?
|
 Despite
being an unemployed actor, an unemployed chef, a coffee-shop waitress or an unemployed
guitar-wielding lunatic, do you live in a New York apartment the size of Stansted
Airport that most major industrialists would struggle to afford? |
 When
you copped off with your partner, were you deafened by hundreds of Americans screaming
"Woo"? |
 Wherever
you go, is everyone exactly the same age and clad head to toe in Gap beigewear? |
| Do
you sometimes inexplicably find yourself clicking your fingers and wobbling your
head slightly out of time to Hootie and the Blowfish? |
| Do
you live in a world so empty of fat or ugly people that the sight of one makes
you rush to the window to point and laugh? |
| Do
you find when you walk into coffee shops that the other customers have opted for
the small, uncomfortable stools round the edges, leaving the enormous, comfortable
sofas for you? |
| Despite
living in one for the most violent, crime-ridden cities in the world, do you keep
your front door unlocked, so your friends can stroll in whenever they like and
do funny stuff? |
| Do
famous film stars occasionally wander into your apartment, screw your sister or
partner then vanish four weeks later? |
| Despite
living in one of the most multi ethnic cities on the planet do you never meet
black or Asian or Hispanic or "obviously" Muslim people, ever? |
| Has
it ever struck you that you only have five friends? A dumb ladykiller, one ditzy
masseus, one geeky professor, one obsessive compulsive and one self infatuated
man eater? |
| Do
you find that after you say something 'witty', a short stab of crude blues music
plays in the background to signal that what you just said was the height of wit
and that the inexplicable audience in your apartment should laugh? |
| Have
you noticed that your male friends have become increasingly fat, bloated, and
self-satisfied? While, conversely, your female friends are now toned, skinny and
surprisingly emaciated, in a grim commentary on the perverse necessities of fame? |
| » submit
your Friends observation |
