 Does
the on-screen action remind you strangely of a breed of amateurism
only usually encoutered in a Rotary Club production of "The
Pirates Of Penzance"? |
 Are
you disorientated by the long, painful silences followed by
everyone talking at once? Do the invisible camera crew have
to fill these silences with half-hearted whooping? |
 Has
the presenter just stumbled over a word, laughed, repeated
the word again wrongly, laughed, said the word properly, laughed,
and then said it again in a silly high-pitched voice as the
cameraman mutters "jesus" under his breath? |
 Have
the Vengaboys have been booked for the third week running
to pad out an ever shrinking celebrity guest list? |
| Does
a presenter's inability to communicate mean that they pad
out badly researched interviews with unamusing stories from
their own life, mainly involving members of All Saints? |
| Are
such interviews concluded with the words "we've had a
bit of fun there", "fantastic stuff", and "there
you go"? |
| Do
you appear to be hearing the words "woo", "wow"
and "anyway" more often than strictly necessary? |
| Does
even the newsreader go "woo" before informing us
about another devastating earthquake on the sub-continent? |
| Is
a panic-stricken male presenter bravely foraging into the
world of toe-curling observational comedy, along the lines
of "Have you ever noticed how black people say 'aks'
instead of 'ask'" followed by the sound of the aforementioned
presenter laughing by himself? |
| Do
you get the feeling at about 8.45 that all the scheduled items
have been completed and the ensuing nonsense has been scripted
at the very last minute by a sweating team of panicking writers? |
| When
the show is over, do you flick off the TV, immediately forget
everything you have just seen, and walk out the door to work,
your mind a blank? |
| Do
you spend two hours not listening to a word but trying to
see up the female presenter's belt width skirt? Congratulate
yourself when you catch sight of her knickers, turn the tv
off and go to work? |
| » submit
your big breakfast observation |
