So, The Guardian's calling for the royal family to be pensioned off somewhere they can strangle pheasants in peace? Good timing.

Because if anything was designed to make the nation rise up against the work-shy fops, it was the State Opening of Parliament on telly this week.

We Brits have been mighty smug of late, taunting the Yanks about their election. "Call that a democracy?" we've hooted, as we forwarded another hilarious "Revocation of Independence" e-mail laughing at "Those nutty colonials!"

Revoke their independence? Great idea - let's show them how a democracy should really be run. That way they can enjoy the delightful spectacle of their nominal ruler being carried by pantomime coach into a building that looks like a cake.

They can delight as their leader sits, surrounded by extras from the "Prince Charming" video, and reads out a list of things someone else has decided should be done. The people who wrote the list will sit nearby, nodding their heads as if pleasantly surprised at the ruler's wisdom and foresight.

"Oh, but it's colourful and historical!" they say. Whoop-de-doo. If I want colourful and historical, I'll go and watch the Sealed Knot Society. Announcing the government's plans for the coming year ought to be a cornerstone of our democracy, not a half-arsed pantomime.

The opening of a new session of our government shouldn't be a tourist attraction. If you want to see the splendour of the British monarchy, go to Hampton Court.

And if you want puppets, call Jim Henson.
by Joel