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please! no more 45MB attachments
of that goddamn dancing baby
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I'm
sorry but I hate people who, after all these years, have only just
got the Internet and email.
I wouldn't dub myself 'cyber elite' or an 'early
adopter'. I just got into the Net early, about six years ago. Nothing
surprises or amazes me about it anymore. I just accept it and get
on with it.
These people, however - you know them. They bounce around the Web
like gazelles - wide-eyed, amazed.
Them: "Have you used this email thing. It's brilliant."
You: Really?
Them: "Yeah, it has the intimacy of a letter with the
immediacy of a phone call"
You: No? Really?
Them: "And there are these things called search engines
which let you find things"
You: You don't say
Within days of being online, these Net Newbies have subscribed themselves
(and you) to various pyramid schemes, joined far too many mailing
lists ("Wow! I'm getting 28,000 emails a day!") and have
a desktop littered with endless 'tickers', screensavers, colour schemes,
and other downloadable Net junk.
Worse, though, they have inevitably discovered email at work. On
the office's fast connection.
"Have you seen this," their first email screams, "It's
mad!!!!"
Attached is a 45MB movie file of that goddamn dancing baby which takes
me and my modem three whole hours to download.
The next day you get the exploding whale. Har Har. Then Pamela Anderson,
having sex on a boat.
Even worse, they feel the need to CC all their shouty emails to
10,000 strong list of their 'net pals'.
When one person complains about being sent this stuff, it inevitably
gets CC'ed to everyone else and suddenly 10,000 people are arguing
about who sent the fucking thing in the first place.
I feel it's our responsible to teach newbies the value of a succinct
email. Just use two words. You know which ones.
Mike
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