We don't want nasty chemicals on our hair and bodies. They are bad. We want only 'herbal' washing products from 'nature'.

Hmmm, like this shampoo.

"... combines notes of cedar and guaicwood with floral rose and carnation, blended with rich honey and ripe fig, with extracts of camomile and apple to lighten, shine and enhance your colour."

Ho ho. Take in the gentle beauty of that vivid description. Visualise the busty maidens in a woodland glade employed to carefully stir nature's store of balms and ointments in oak barrels.

Hold on - what's this on the back?

Ingredients: Aqua, Sodium laureth sulfate, Cocamido-propyl betaine, Ammonium lauryl sulfate, Laureth-3, Sodium chloride, Glycol cetearate, Benzyl alcohol, Panthenol, Benzophenone-4, Polyquaternium-10, Dimethicone copolyol, Benzoic acid, Propylene glycol, Pyrus malus, Phenoxyethanol, Magnesium nitrate, Anthemis nobilis, Methyldibromo glutarontrile, Denatonium benzoate, 2-Bromo-2-Nitropropane-1, 3-Diol,, Methylchloroisothiazolinone, 2-Nitro-p-phenylenediamine, Magnesium chloride,
Methylisothiazolinone

The words "rich honey and ripe fig" are conspicuously absent from this list. It's not even tarted up with the word "orange" or perhaps "vinegar" to make us all calm down a bit.

Bored scientists in white coats on industrial
estates are having a whale of a time seeing how far removed from soap and water they can actually make this stuff.

It wouldn't surprise me if they had a sweepstake on for longest and most terrifying ingredient list of the year.

Methylisothiazolinone and Methylchloroisothiazolinone are particularly
notable here for being active ingredients of KathonGC, a preservative which
is alleged to have carcinogenic properties.

So I suggest a bit of a rewrite.

"Hair generally needs a bit of a rinse to avoid smelling bad. This product, however, is toxic as fuck and will leave your scalp hanging off should you use more than once a month. Avoid."

Much better.

by Rhodri