I had a friend whose job was to go around Luton measuring the height of uneven paving slabs, supervised by elderly but perfectly able bodied screeching hags, supposedly recovering from the mental anguish of a minor stumble.

They knew that if it the slab protruded more than 7/8th of an inch, they'd be quids in.

That was about as litigious as the UK got. Now ten years later, another great American concept has washed up on our shores and our TVs - Personal Injury Compensation.

Nothing is our fault anymore.

If we've gone down with botulism after drinking some stinking, rancid milk which we only consumed because the "use-by" date on the label was difficult to read, then, well, sue the people who printed it.

If you loose the use of your anal sphincter and are reduced to wearing nappies after a decade of personal excitement using the 14" Black Mamba Dildo - then come on, take the bastards who manufactured the damn thing to the cleaners. You could end up with - mmmmmm - 20 quid?

Exploited and encouraged by the arrival of "no win, no fee" in the UK, Personal Injury Compensation may appear a boon for those on below-average incomes. You don't have to worry about hiring solicitors. Just one phone call and it's all done for you.

And the fee? As in the US, the winners are the firms of lawyers who can take as much as 98% of your winnings as a fee.

So next time that ex-Watchdog presenter says that you really deserve compensation for your stubbed toe, remember that the person most likely to benefit from your misfortune is, unsurprisingly, not you.

But if you think it's getting litigious here, a woman in the USA brought a case against a train company after her son was killed whilst playing on the tracks.

Poor lad. I call that unlucky, don't you?

by Mike

related links:
Claims Direct, promoted by ex-Watchdog presenter, is exposed by er, Watchdog »