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the summer festival guide
backstage area
the best area, reserved for the people who don't
pay
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| A pair of ‘‘down wiv da kids’’ coppers wearing short sleeves and smiling. |
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| Watchtowers and searchlights. |
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| Dozens of record company staff filled to the brim with Charlie, spending entire festival talking loudly and endlessly to each other about how festivals aren’t as authentic as they used to be. |
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| Solid gold VIP toilets, flushed every 30 seconds with Moet et Chandon. |
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| Huge gaggle of toothless locals, awaiting end of Festival so they can go and do a ‘‘clean up’’, but in fact comb every square metre of grass for dropped change and ‘‘baubles’’. |
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| Scary Geordies with tats offering to throw you over the fence for £20. |
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| Rolf Harris backstage warming up his wobbleboard. |
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