|
 |
 |
ADVERTISING
FEATURE | page 2 of 2
The Modem Breath-Lock 2001®
Avoid the hazardous pitfalls of negotiating cyberspace whilst
intoxicated!
scientifically
tested in rigorous tests
|
Testing for our modem breathalyser has been rigorous. Two prime
specimens of booze-blind trash were found and let loose on the internet.
Participants were supplied with 1 large bottle Jack Daniels rye whisky, several
litres of unbranded cola, and unlimited internet access. In order to faithfully
recreate post-pub conditions, the participants had already consumed 10 units of
alcohol and three bags of Brannigans Roast Beef & Mustard crisps prior to
starting the experiment.
|
|
| Tests were conducted using two IBM Intellistation
Z Pro with Pentium 111 Xen Processors and 256MB main storage, running on Windows
NT, equipped with 21 inch screens and ADSL cable modems. |
|
 |
| Doctor Rita Wong |
|
|
Explains Dr Rita Wong, head technology tester at Vtini:
"With a blood alcohol level of 1.8mg [the equivalent of 3 glasses of white
wine], the users already had a mis-key rate of 1 in 6 keystrokes. At 2.5mg, this
level had risen to 1 in 4. User Y consistently typed 'nille' instead of 'nipple'
and kept insisting there was a 'K' in 'cocrophiliac'".
Dr Wong noted that at 3.0 mg, user X was too drunk to type her
Hotmail password. User Y was aghast at the discovery he had been cybering 27-year-old
Megadeth fan 'Burner Rich' for ten minutes without realising Burner was in fact
male.
In addition, she said, there were incidents of pointless message
board abuse.
'None of this would have happened had the users had recourse to
the simple yet effective protection offered by the Modem Breath-Lock 2001 ®',
Wong said.
|
|
|
testimonials
 |
|
'It has helped me every day."
'It ain't like I drink a lot. But it don't take much and before you know it you're
asking some 18-year-old to describe his pubic hair. I have woken up and felt shame.
I have found replies to emails I didn't even know I wrote. I have declared love
on ICQ. I told 15-year-old cheerleaders about my mother's suicide; I embarrassed
e-quaintances with lame masturbation jokes! But not any more. Thanks to the Breath
Lock®, my online persona is now as clean and dry as a nun's box!' |
| |
|
|
 |
|
'It has changed my life'.
'The MBL 2001 changed my life. I used to spend lagered nights chatting with innocent
18-year old American netizens, feeling a pleasurably sadistic shiver of superiority
as they told me of their broken dreams and wasted youth. I thought they were losers.
But the Breathalyser Modem Lock has shown me that I was the loser. Now my complexion
is clearer, I sleep for a full 8 hours a night, and I am a better, kinder, sweeter
person. I no longer need to rip the piss out of gullible idiots for boozy kicks.
It's changed my life." |
|
|
why choose the Modem Breath-Lock
2001®?
Though prototype modem breathalysers have
been around since the late 90s, the Vtini Modem Lock's flexibility and ease of
use make it the first internet shutdown system likely to be adopted on a grand
scale.
'With the new Modem Lock,' say Wongs, 'cutting-edge internet technology
has finally arrived, and is within reach for all net users. The question now is:
where don't you want to go today? The Modem Lock doesn't just protect other
net users from you - it protects you from yourself. It will change your e-life
completely!'
Apply immediately for full details of the Vtini Seethru Modem
Breath-Lock 2001® and how to qualify for the special introductory offer.
You'll be glad you did!
|
the Modem Breath-Lock
2001® will be available in the autumn
|
