 Is
a short male defence correspondent talking with barely concealed masturbatory
glee about a new type of "smart bomb" the US are using? Or a new type
of devastating plane? Or some really beefy special forces working behind
enemy lines? |
 Is
that video of Osama Bin Laden on? Is he holding a cheap microphone that looks
like it was picked up in Tandy for £9.99, thus giving the impression of
a man more likely to break out into an impromptu kareoke rendition of "Loving
You Is Easy Cos You're Beautiful" than pronouncing a smallpox jihad on Western
Europe? |
| Is
a correspondent reporting "LIVE! from the frontline" (i.e. cowering
in the pitch black, shining a Maglite in his face and introducing - in 5 frames
per second Realvideo jerkovision - better, daylight footage from Al Jezeera Arab
TV)? |
| Has
the jerkovision journalist failed to mention that he has paid the Northern Alliance
to report from their frontline. The same brutal Northern Alliance cited for civilian
massacres, bombings, summary executions and an arm-long list of human rights abuses?
|
 Is
the newsreader dismissing all information coming from the Taliban "not independently
confirmed" while everything that comes from the Pentagon is swallowed whole
without going through this stringent independent confirmation process? |
 Oh
good. Now it's time for some hi-tech graphics explaining everything. |
| Is
one studio reporter decorating his war campaign 'weather map' with glowing Osama-Bin-Laden
icons while on the other channel his counterpart magicks a spinning 3D map of
Afghanistan from the floor of some kind of Holodeck? Do you get the impression
that the competing news shows appear to be trying to out Star Trek each other?
|
| Does
the broadcast seem to contain staggering amounts of operational data? Do the Taleban
simply have to watch the 6 o'clock news to find out what's going to be bombed
next? |
| Over
to the US. Is a Pentagon representative only very grudgingly admitting that an
off-target smart bomb caused civilian causalities? Then does he rapidly start
reminding everyone that over 6000 Americans died in the World Trade Centre as
if that makes it all right. |
| Is
an analyst breathlessly interpreting the appearance of a new type of US plane
as the beginnings of a new phase in the conflict? But doesn't it seem like this
new phase has been happening since the beginning of the old first phase? Or is
this all just a transitional phase before the next phase begins? |
Are
the losses of tens of thousands of jobs in the manufacturing sector, the
serial rape of dozens of women in the Lincolnshire area, and the devaluation
of the pound, all shunted to the Panda-shags slot at the end of the news?
|
As
the credits roll, and the ominous music bongs away, do you feel completely disconnected
from the bombings in Afghanistan, starving refugees, growing Muslim discontent
with the West, and the actions of the war-mongering government you voted for?
|
|
