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are you the office party drunk?
It's party time. There is booze. There's your boss. And there's someone attempting to fellate him under the table. There's always one Office Party Drunk. Is it you?



i fucking love you

 

 


and you

 

 



even you

 
It's 5.30 pm. Have you just downed a glass of wine in 2 gulps?
Are you beginning to feel relaxed enough to consider telling your supervisor that she 'really isn't as uptight' as people make out?
Are the boys from the post room your new best friends, even though all they have done all year is lose your parcels and look at your arse?
Are you staring, in horror, at the 16-year old work experience boy, whose face appears to be made out of sick?
Have you just hauled the 16-year-old work experience boy onto your lap?
Has your attempt to snog the 16-year-old work experience boy been rejected because you are 'too old?'
Are you crying?
Have you just spotted the lads from the post room drawing up a sweepstake with your name at the top?
Are the receptionist and the PAs laughing and pointing in your direction?
Are you on the floor of the gents having a little sleep?
Is that horrible girl from the accounts department trying to coax you out?
Are you dancing with the smelly, muttering late-night security man to 'Save Your Love' by Renee and Renata?
Has your right tit just popped out of your dress?
Did you notice?
Are you in a taxi? How did you get there? Do you remember? Why is the taxi-driver smiling at you?
Have you just looked down at your right tit and realised why the taxi-driver is smiling at you?
Has the smelly, muttering security man just lit a post-coital cigarette?
Have you just realised, with shuddering certainty, that you will be fired in the morning?
 
written by Anne Marie Payne
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