 Do
all of the girls' names end with a vowel? |
 Is
there more Balsamic vinegar than strictly necessary? |
 Are
you mildly unnerved at the sight of a switched off television? |
 Are
you the only person there whose education wasn't paid for? |
| Does
your dinner consist of a very small piece of meat "accompanied"
by some orange stuff and some green stuff? Is your pudding
a column towering half a foot out of your bowl and heavily
laced with icing sugar? Has the icing sugar been arranged? |
| Are
you drinking three times as much as anyone else? |
| Do
you suffer a flash of blind panic when it momentarily appears
that you have taken too much salad? |
| When
some horsey twat eventually feigns interest in your moribund
existence, do you sum up your lifetime's achievement in an
8-second soundbite? |
| Are
you interrogated with appalled fascination by a lisping buffoon
purely because you are one of several hundred thousand people
to have attended a football match that afternoon? |
| Do
you grossly misunderstand the situation when someone asks
you if you ride? |
| Has
someone mentioned that India is amazing? |
| Has
someone pronounced Nicaragua with a silent 'g'? |
| Is
some tedious cock still banging on about his fucking share
prices? |
| After
'pudding' does the resident loud-mouth tap the side of his
hooter and say "Who's up for dessert?". |
| Could
you care less if you never, ever saw these dead-eyed reptiles
again? |
| Is
there a tangible shudder of disgust when you announce that
you're going for a burst? |
| Do
you suppose that a cluster fuck is out of the question? |
| » submit
your Dinner Party observation |
