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alternative weblog |
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entry 63 - 5th March 02
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clever clever boy I was lazing about on the beach drawing loads of pointless helicopter diagrams when I noticed a bloke, his girlfriend, and their dog down at the shore-line. She was searching for shells, while he was throwing stones for the dog. He threw one into the sea, quite far out, and the dog took the plunge, paddling out to where it had splashed. When it finally got there, it trod water and looked in a doggishly confused manner back at the shore.
And this was the funny bit: it was over in a matter of moments, but an unbelievable amount of emotion and panic was squeezed into each frame... (1) As soon as the rock left the bloke's hand it was obvious that it was on a collision course with his dog's head. He realised this at the same moment I did, i.e. within three pico-seconds. (2) The dog's expression was still one of blissful ignorance - it could see there was an incoming rock, but it hadn't computed anything beyond this fact. (3) The bloke sort of shuffled forwards momentarily, as if he was toying with the idea of diving in, swimming out 50 yards, and intercepting the rock. (4) Appreciating the futility of this course of action the bloke then did the only thing he could do given the circumstances... he glanced over at his girlfriend, to make sure she wasn't watching. (5) She wasn't. He turned his gaze back to the dog and grimaced as the rock completed its trajectory. The dog went under the water with a yelp, which alerted the bloke's girlfriend. (6) "Where's Chuffy?" she shouted, dropping her shells. "He's gone under the water," replied the bloke in a calming tone which implied that dogs often swim underwater. (7) About fifteen seconds later the dog emerged from beneath the waves and paddled frantically back to the shore, where it shook itself dry, gasping for breath and extremely unsteady on its feet. "Clever boy," beamed the girl, patting him right where the rock had struck him. "Clever boy," said the bloke.
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The
bloke dutifully picked up another fist-sized stone and lobbed it roughly
in the direction of the dog.
