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the 'i am going to kill tim-tom'
faq
I'm going to kill Tim-Tom with a radio controlled
aeroplane. It's sounds extreme but believe me, I've thought this through.
It's the only way. After he did this.
And this.
 Q:
Why do you want to kill him?
A: Because he's probably thinking about killing me. In fact I'm sure of
it, especially after taking that
drug of his. And because, basically, he's an evil fucker. I'm scared
of him.
Q: Why a radio controlled plane?
A: Why not? It's a weapon and you can aim it.
Q: Why not just stab him?
A: I don't think I could stab anybody, not even Tim-Tom. And anyway, you
can't really stab someone without leaving all sorts of traces behind (or
taking all sorts of traces with you). I want to kill him and not go to
prison for it, which has to be the bottom line.
Q: Why not pay for someone to kill
him?
A: Yeah, right. I wonder if they'd accept a couple of my 42 quid giros
for their trouble. Brendan knows someone who knows someone who does that
kind of stuff, but he charges £2000 just to break a couple of legs.
Besides, if you want something done properly, do it yourself. No?
Q: Why not poison or run him over?
A: Poison would be another alternative, sure, but that'd be premeditated
murder and if I was caught I'd be in for a long prison stretch. As for
using a car, (a) I haven't got one so I'd have to borrow it, and (b) it'd
be almost impossible to set up, getting Tim-Tom in the right location
and so on. And anyway, no matter how thick the police are, they're more
than capable of checking the state of the car and the skid mark stuff
out later, after the event. Add their findings from that to statements
from various people saying we were enemies, and, well... prison ahoy.
Q: What about Angela? He's her
boyfriend.
A: Why the fuck would I care about that? She can't actually love him.
And even if she does, she shouldn't - and she'd soon get over him anyway.
And I'm not even thinking that Angela and I would necessarily get back
together ourselves if that's what you're getting at. It'd be nice, yes,
but that's as far as it goes.
Q: Aren't people going to get suspicious
after you buy a plane and then kill someone with it?
A: Not if it looks like it's been a complete accident. The idea is that
I have loads of practice sessions with other people present - Tim-Tom
included if I can arrange it. It'll be like 'Duncan's got a radio controlled
plane, come and see, it's good fun, he doesn't mind you having a go'.
That sort of thing. Drop a few near misses into the equation. Then Tim-Tom
eventually gets it in the face and I win an Oscar. Let the cops prove
it wasn't an accident, even if they'd discovered we were enemies.
Q: Isn't this all a bit elaborate?
A: It depends when you start thinking about it. It might sound elaborate
now, but if I pull it off it'll be more like (a) bloke has radio controlled
plane, (b) bloke is crap at controlling it, (c) other bloke dies as a
result. I'd actually say that was pretty straightforward.
Q: How are you going to afford to buy a radio controlled
plane? You live on £42.10 a fortnight.
A: Okay, good question. I suppose it's sort of be a sensible first step
to find out how much they cost. I'll do some reseach and report back tomorrow.
Duncan
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