Geordie
and Tony drove to Brighton today to buy a kite. I tagged along. The shop
we were visiting turned out to also be a radio controlled boat, car and
aircraft shop. Synchronicity or what?
All the staff in the shop - all of them - were unnaturally
obese. It was weird.
"Can I help? Or are you with these guys?" asked
a fat shop assistant.
"I'm interested in your planes. What's the most reasonably priced
one?"
"Reasonably priced?"
"Well... cheap then. But big. The cheapest biggest one."
"It doesn't work like that," he said condescendingly, pointing
at various models hanging from the ceiling while unloading numerous statistics.
"Unless you want a glider of course."
"No, I want a propellor one. A fast one, with a powerful
engine."
"Let's save us both some time here," he snapped.
"What's your exact budget for this?"
"It's whatever it says on his next giro, pet,"
laughed Geordie.
The oversized shop assistant tutted, grasped a fairly thick
brochure from underneath the counter, handed it to me, and said: "Everything
in this we've either got in stock or can get within two days. Prices are
just for the planes and don't include the radios, so expect to add about
another hundred pounds."
I had been 'dismissed'.
ENTRY TWO
I've just read the radio control plane brochure properly...
or rather looked at the pictures, the measurements and the prices. The
main thing that struck me was that most of them are too small and spindly
to exhibit Tim-tom killing capabilities: I might be able to take an eye
out or something, but that'd be about it. However, there were a few notable
exceptions...
1.
The Citabria 40 -£139.99
It looks like a Cessna Skylane or something. Very robust, with a 1.6 metre
wingspan. More importantly the propellor is a biggy, helping the whole
package to weigh in at 2.6 kg. But it might be a bit slow.
2.
The F4U Corsair -£139.99
Wingspan 1.5 metres, weight 2.3 kg, a smaller propellor than the Citabria,
but the body seems to have a much better 'killing shape' to it... you
can just see all that kinetic energy focusing through the cigar shaped
body and transferring itself, via the propellor, into Tim-tom's head.
3.
The F-16 Tigermeet - £44.99
Cheap, but when you look at the dimensions you see why: the wingspan is
only about two feet, and it weighs just 250 grams (a quarter bag of sugar).
There's a plus, though, which is that the two propellors are hidden away
under the wings, leaving the nosecone able to do what a real F-16's nosecone
does, i.e. be pointed. Whether or not the plane's weight would be enough
to drive that nosecone through Tim-tom's skull and into his brain is a
moot point, however.
The
Spitfire -£89.99
The wingspan's a tad over a metre which is okay, but the weight is only
750 grams. Still, it IS a Spitfire, which is cool, and the propellor looks
strong, stubby and choppy.
You choose for me. Vote for the one
you think I should buy to kill Tim-Tom.
1.
The Citabria 40 - 
2.
The F4U Corsair - 
3.
The F-16 Tigermeet - 
The
Spitfire - 
