|
|
 |
 |
dole lotto
I've just come back from signing on at Hastings Jobcentre, my
weekly ritual.
It was pretty painless, mainly since I managed to get myself
signed by the bloke with the ponytail who doesn't actually care whether you've
tried to find work or not.
And the fact that I got him rather than one of the fascists wasn't
just down to luck, but to an extremely well-played game of...
 |
| 01 |
Enter Jobcentre
and take numbered ticket from dispenser |
| 02 |
Check LED wall
display to see how many people are supposed to be seen before you |
| 03 |
Check who's
on the desks and give each a 'gestapo rating' |
| 04 |
If someone's
taken a ticket since you did, help yourself to another |
| 05 |
Go outside and
smoke a fag |
| 06 |
Walk back in
and take a few more tickets |
| 07 |
Wait. Take the
occasional ticket while you're at it |
| 08 |
Think about
the universe while memorising your ticket numbers, which are 78, 80, 82, 83, 85
and 86 |
| 09 |
Your first number,
78, is now being called by Adolf Hitler (Gestapo Rating: 10/10), so naturally
you ignore the announcement. He moves on. "79" he says. No takers. "Aha,
someone else is playing the game too," you realise |
| 10 |
"80"
says Adolf. That's yours. Keep your head down |
| 11 |
"81"
snarls Adolf, clearly irritated. Some idiot walks over |
| 12 |
The blonde jobcentre
chick (Gestapo Rating 5/10) has finished with her current punter and is getting
ready to call. She's usually not too bad, but looks in a bit of a mood today.
You notice that ponytail bloke (2/10) is also moving into call mode. You have
a quick glance at your remaining numbers - 82, 83, 85 and 86 - and remind yourself
that somebody else in the room is also playing. |
| 13 |
Step 13: "82"
says blonde chick. Do you settle for her? No, you decide to hang in there. You
check Ponytail bloke. He's almost ready! |
| 14 |
"83" says blonde chick |
| 15 |
"84" says blonde chick.
Whoever's got 84 doesn't want her either. You suspect this player - your rival
- owns ticket 87, and is also waiting for ponytail bloke |
| 16 |
"85" says blonde chick.
Come on, come on, come on... |
| 17 |
"86" says ponytail bloke.
Bingo. You have won a game of Dole Lotto |
|
|
|
|
